bunso.

ngayon, pagdating ko sa bahay, puro katahimikan lang naririnig ko. dati kasi, tuwing Linggo pag-uwi ko, meron akong naabutang Nanay na nag-ma-magic sing sa sala. tapos pag nakita ako, ngingiti na syang nakatingin sa'kin habang kumakanta. maya-maya, tatawagin nya na ako, sabay halik sa pisngi ko, at pakakantahin din ako ng kantang gusto nya.

miss ko na yung Nanay ko. pati na rin yung Ate ko. Yung ingay, yung kulitan, yung konting tampuhan, tawanan pati na rin yung mga wala-lang moments.

miss ko sila, samantala nung andyan lang sila, madalas di ko naman sila nabibigyan ng panahon. kesho pagod ako galing trabaho, kesho inaantok nako kasi maaga akong nagigising sa umaga, kesho ganito, kasi ganyan. nagsisisi tuloy ako.

pabiro ko pang sinabe kay Mommy bago sya umalis, "Magha-house party ako dito my!" eh wala namang house party naganap. haha. pero pilit pa rin nilalabanan ang lungkot, at dinaraan na lang sa tawa.

buti na lang kahit papano merong facebook. atleast alam ko, masaya ang nanay ko dun kasama ni ate. para naman sa kanya yun because she rightfully deserves it. she deserves to be happy above all else.

kaya eto, nagba-blog na lang ako. para naman malabas yung tinatagong pagka-miss kay Naty at Amor.
hahaha!


mahal ko kayo,


bunso.

hate mail.

now and then I think of when we were together, 
like when you said you felt so happy you could die. 
told myself that you were right for me, but felt so lonely in your company. 
but that was love, and it's an ache I still remember...


you can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness,
like resignation to the end, always the end
so when we found out we could not make sense
well you said that we would still be friends
but I'll admit that I was glad that it was over.


but you didn't have to cut me off.
make it like it never happened at that we were nothing
I don't even need your love, but you treat me like a stranger
and that feels so rough


no, you didn't have to stoop so low
have your friends collect your records and then change your number
guess that I don't need that though
now you're just somebody that I used to know.




the metallic taste of blood as it rids off the tongue, hate for one, rage and then some.
and what for? to re-live the numbing pain of betrayal? seriously? its said and done.

said.
done.
letting go.


let go.

bridges are burned. time wasted. but happy ever afters don't always exist for the weak and naive.
there's always a new leaf, a new page and its called moving on and moving forward.

ain't life grand? one moment you're in deep shit the next thing you know, you're dusting yourself off
and you find yourself trying again...

to get yourself in more deep shit. lol.

mistakes are a thing of the past. but it always lives with the present. the brain would seldom forget, but the memory seldom recalls, then somehow, it becomes real again. like a freshly scratched scar, a new wound.

all the planets would still move, earth would rotate, sun rises and still sets. apparently, stars would still fucking align to eventually lead you to another. bullshit! either way. its a slim to none chance that things would be the same.

but I'm not a full-pledge sinner, neither you, a saint.
no point counting sins if a line has already been drawn
there's an extension of heaven when it sees no hell.
though wishes are existent of your soul burning in one.

flames to dust.
all good things come to an end.

it was once a beginning, until it died a natural and DECEITFUL death.
gravity is not to blame if all we know has fallen.



already whistling a new tune
no more imprisoned thoughts.



only hate mails.



somebody that i used to know.














xoxo,


A.

linya.

i wish i knew then what i know now.

gravity hurts, you made it so sweet.

til i woke up on,

on the concrete.