gravity.

i remember the first time you looked at me, with that sly smile, yes it sent shivers down my spine and butterflies in my stomach. like a butter melting on toast, that warm feeling and my heart skipped a beat again. i was busy contemplating with the stars and you were there just watching me marvel over our mild existence.

i suddenly missed your hands. sturdy but gentle. the way you hold me and touch me, the warmth against my skin. never ever wanting you to let go.

i'd close my eyes and imagine the softness of your eyes, the way you look at me with such wonder and awe, as if you're looking at something so precious you dare not lose, you're favorite person in the world.

in my thoughts, i retrace the feeling of your sweet kiss, when your lips are in harmony with mine. a wordless expression that you are mine and i am yours.

i miss everything about you. when i think of you, my whole world stops. i think of you too much that sometimes it hurts knowing you're near but my arms can't reach you. but amidst all the longing and yearning, i find my happy place, nowhere else but beside you. right beside you, where i can feel the slow and calm beating of your heart, that it beats for me.

a day without you is almost bearable.

a week feels empty...

a month? i would detest the thought.

you and i, are a force of nature, cannot be tamed and cannot be controlled.

what we have is more than love itself, undefined and inevitable, but unique and eternal.

for some reason, i'll always love gravity.

i'd fall for you, over and over again.

je vous aime.




xoxo,




A.

my box of crayons

i picked up my crayon and colored my drawing yellow,

because the world is warm and fuzzy when we laugh together.

with bits of depth and blue serenity.

no hate or turning green with envy.

we both like red

because we exude strength, courage and confidence.

tough exterior but fun-loving women.

i colored my rainbow with indigo

to remind of me of dusk and we talk mellow.

i taught her how to love black

because i love it like i love pink.

orange is when we both need a perk-me-up,

a time away from rush and haste.

above all

she embodies white.

not for lies and disguise

but for purity and sincerity.

plain and simple white.

my box of crayons, yes i use with awe and glee

my box of crayons, i color life with delight.

my box of crayons, my mom taught me.

every color, every hue, is represented by me and you. :)

lost in translation

its been a long time since i came around
been a long time and im back in town

this time im not leaving without you.

you taste like whiskey when you kiss me  oh

ill give anything again to be your baby doll

this time im not leaving without you.

he said "sit down where you belong, 

in the corner of my bar with your high heels on"

sit back down on the couch where we

made love the first time and then you said to me.

                    something, something about this place 

something 'bout lonely nights

and my lipstick on your face.

something,something about my cool  Filipino guy

something 'bout baby,you and i.

its been two years since i let you go

i couldnt listen to a joke or rock n' roll

muscle cars drove a truck right through my heart

on my birthday you sang me A Heart of Gold

with a guitar humming and no clothes

this time in not leaving without YOU...

something, something about the chase.

im a Filipina woman born to run you down

so have my lipstick all over your face

something, something about just knowing when its right.

we got a whole lot of money but we still pay rent

coz you cant buy a house in heaven..

you and i.

you, you and i

baby id rather die without

YOU and I.

its been a long time since i came around

been a long time and im back in town

this time im not leaving without YOU...

millions of thanks to Paul Llanos Photography

for Danbo.

and to Lady Gaga for a millions worth of inspiration.

xoxo,

A.

the search for the perfect concealer.

I was three years old, four maybe, when I first learned to put lipstick on. Mind you, dark red lipstick and I'd wear my mom's shoes, don a crown and walk around the house pretending to be a beauty queen with my oh-so-famous white shirt and underwear. Adorable? Signs of early onset of narcissism if you ask me. :)


Little girls with pink frilly tutu skirts, hello kitty headbands, and a flowery handbag, yeah I was one of those little girls. I didn't turned out to be a rebellious tomboy, I turned out worse, more MAARTE than ever.


My younger cousins and I would even fight over who would be Pink Ranger in our own version of Power Ranger series. 3 pathetic little girls, me being the eldest and I would initiate the arguement! Perfect role model eh?! Then one of us ends up crying. Oh hurray!


I grew up, still growing up and so did my little sisters. Shame is a thing of the past between us. The barbie dolls and Hello Kitty, are now Mac, Stila and Shu Uemura. The platform Sketcher shoes are now 4-inch stilettos, well, for me they are. :) 


Its really sweet and funny how someone you used to play with, is all grown up and now asks you on where to find a trusty concealer, which nude lipstick color would look good on her, and what kinds of clothes are rad. I am not being emotional and be like "oh they're growing up so fast" and getting teary-eyed. LOL. 


What is with girls and make-up? Girls and bags? Girls and shoes? Girls and clothes? Men. They don't understand! If you feel me ladies HOLLER! :) Rebecca Bloomwood said "You know that thing when you see someone cute and he smiles and your heart kind of goes like warm butter sliding down hot toast? Well that's what it's like when I see a store. Only it's better. " 

That's how I feel, that's how girls feel. Like giggly and excited over a good pair of heels. animal printed heels. swarovski encrusted heels.shocking colored heels. flowery peep toes. shiny stilettos. Manolo Blahniks. Jimmy Choos. Christian Louboutins. ugh. the list goes on and on and on. then there goes the studded clutches. the Chanel purses. Louis Vuitton monograms. vintage glam. the 80s rock. sheer tops. the shorty shorts. corsets. they're all coming back. this is fashion invasion and i am gonna have a heart attack. in a good way. 


the search for the concealers. i still have to blame my cousin for this. I seriously don't need concealers so to say but it seemed like a cute title for a blog. haha. I dedicate this blog to little girls who grew up to be addicted to fashion like me. 


It is my little comfort zone. My happy place. To dress up and style myself and other girls. ladies. women. We run the world anyway, right? 


Hail to Marilyn Monroe, Audrey Hepburn, Grace Kelly. my icons of the past. Beyonce, Lady Gaga, Gwen Stefani, musicians and designers at the same time. B. and S. of Gossip Girl and the Ladies who brought back Sex to the City. and ofcourse my Mom, who taught me how to walk in heels though I basically learned on my own. My mom who was modelling still when she was pregnant with me. My mom who still buying clothes when she's almost about to pop! 


the search for the perfect concealer begins when you finally learn to see yourself. appreciate yourself and know your worth. :) the concealer need not be for the eyes. its to conceal the woes of the soul with happiness brought by the comfort of friends. to hide the dark spots of painful memories to be replaced with glowing smiles of promising tomorrows. concealers for the insecurities that makes you think you don't deserve to love and be loved. concealers that break down doubt and rebuild your self-confidence! 


those are the perfect concealers. there are days when I too have those dark circles, dark circles of downtime and insecurities. cheer up. you're not alone in the world. 


you buy your hair if it won't grow.
you can fix your nose if he says so.
you can buy all the make up that Mac can make
BUT IF
you can look inside you,
find out who are they to be in the position
to make you feel so damn unpretty?


...it should be,


i feel pretty, oh so pretty. 
i feel pretty, and witty and bright.




beauty from the inside radiates to the whole world. 




xoxo,




A.

eternal sunshines....

    












                       There’s a majestic feeling when the tides of the shore touch your feet for the first time again. You close your eyes and savor the experience of simple yet eternal bliss. It catches you off-guard, the colliding sounds of the sea and wind, synergistic in perfect harmony. More perfect than a quartet of strings that reverb inside a famous opera house.

Similar with the aftermath of solitude, you shall discover yourself in serenity. Like the stillness of a beating heart through a crowd that stands firm. The moment when the sound of silence envelopes in the dark and that whistle of the wind in the end of a long tunnel. It speaks to you in many ways but only you can decipher its true essence and its significance that will ultimately change your life.

            Aurora comes before sunset. Crimson and tangerine spreads its prowess across the sky, chasing the stars away and bestowing rest to the indigo fields. One big ball of fire ascends to take its rightful place allowing the flowers to open its buds to bloom and awaken everyone else from slumber.

            As I stand here, the sand on my feet, a combination of wet and dry, I thank God for another day. I feel the gentle wind caress the woes of my spirit and with clasped hands, I move forth. This morning shows a lot of promise; a beautiful portrait where the blues and greens meet, with a hint of red in the middle that adjoin the two. In the leisure of my walk, I noticed I am not alone. The eternity of this beach isn’t only composed of one wanderer but numerous hopefuls.

            Children are playing alongside the shore with kites and paper boats that they may soar high in dreams of becoming somebody in the future. I silently envy their limitless grasp of freedom. They contain the optimism that seems so fragile, so naïve, evident innocence beyond frailties and imagination. I chuckled with thoughts of creating one paper boat myself…. And I continue this morning walk. 


       A man in a chair caught my attention. Yes, a plastic chair situated not far from the shore but submerged in the water at some point. Coming to this beach was a part of his therapy because he recently experienced stroke. I admired life a little bit more. As the world turns round and round, just about everything falls to the ground, it picks you up, grants you new hope and makes you see things you’ve relentlessly neglected. Just like the sea, at different times and with different tides, its washes away things we value but it still manages to bring them back at the end of the day. This man, sitting in that very plastic chair, he comes in the morning with new found hope.

           




















        This park is not home only to those who seek refuge, ‘tis also for those who are in search for meaning and inspiration. Numerous are those who wish to muster the strength and put messages in bottles, pray for deliverance and wait for answers in painful silence. ‘tis a happy place to those who promised that friendships are forever 
with a click here, a click there, stolen memories to be kept for a lifetime.

        I always wondered what its like to conquer the savage waters. Then there are those who have the talent to do so. They marvel their skill of maneuvering through the current with ease evident upon their faces, not having to worry of mistakes and failures because passion is their foundation. I watched them exploit their capabilities and enhance their abilities. Like the rest of the audience, I was awed.

            






          






            Reaching the end of this walk, I    am surprised where my feet took me. Footprints are washed away not giving me a chance to retrace and linger on my tracks. I listened to the humming of the wind again and the sound of the sea. It gave me peace.

This place has witnessed the “comes and gone” of people…of life. May it be serenaded by happy notes, sad love songs or simple melodies, stories have put color to this park. Enthralled by the contagious laughter, deepened by silent tears, strengthened by working hands and made meaningful by the people who share an hour or two, with faith that this is a place where first and last times will always be written as a part of history.

As we move forward to a far more deliberate tomorrow, let us remember that once in a while, we can take off our shoes, dig our feet in the dirt, feel the sea, breathe and be one with the universe…like what I did one morning at Queen Tuna Park.

        much gratitude to Noel Nacion Photography 

xoxo,

             A.           

                                                                 

                                                                                                                                                                                     

i don't wanna wait.

i haven't blogged for a while. what's there to blog about? oh yeah. right here. its more on sweet shit. :)

the radio is playing a lot of retrograde songs. blast from the past so the dj said.
friday madness.
guess what radio station already?!

anyway, so to speak and relate. man, i am getting a bit older. to think, I used to sing these songs back in High School and trust me it is far far behind. reminds me of many thing. both bitter and sweet.

makes me laugh of how many times me and my bestfriends fought over stupid things. irrational things. funny stuff and kid-shit. that's high school. i miss them both. since technically and for how many years now, we don't live in the same city anymore.

then College came and went. graduated. became a Registered Nurse, then a bum. a few stint with Smart Communications then bumming again, TRAVELLED! and now, waiting for THE TEXT. the text that would steer my life to a new direction again.

why can't i just work in a hospital??! uhh, because i dont want to?! hahaha. yeah i hear you "why on earth did you take up nursing in the first place?" yada yada yada. il be a nurse, just wait for it,don't hold your breath long enough though.

seizing the moment.
i don't wanna wait for my life to be over before:
i sing.
i dance.
i do crazy stuff.
i believe.
i dream.
i love.

love is a battlefield.
life is a sandbox.
and i am a force of nature. ;)

xoxo,


A.