shallow fascination was all it was. no deeper essence. no meaningful canvass. no extraordinary touch.
discoveries were yet to be made, and my craft yet to unfold.
one event that caused a transition from simple to perplexed.
from solitary confinement to freedom sanctuary.
a mind with creativity without measure.
a hand that can make photographic treasures.
a skill that can be perfected through time.
a talent that he rightfully calls MINE.
he sees beauty in the midst of chaos. art in the most unexpected places.
angles in unsuspecting finds. color ecstacy in classic lights.
different patterns, various hues, it all results to one exceptional work of ingenuity.
a change is inevitable.
from lost to inspired.
from a box of nothing to a crate of inspiration.
from humble beginnings to becoming inspirational.
--- i am proud of you and your work.
you know who you are and how my love for you is incomparable.
i love you and your art.
you inspire me always.
this is for you.
xoxo,
A.
Friday, January 27, 2012
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
that chiffon cake...
Whenever I'd think of him, I would always remember a chiffon cake. A chiffon cake for my birthday, a chiffon cake he would bring on my cousin's birthday, a chiffon cake for a Christmas Reunion, honestly, a chiffon cake for any occasion. That's how thoughtful my grandfather is. He never forgets, even though we sometimes do.
It's the littlest things we seldom forget, but it's the ones that always leave a mark.
I have millions of stories about him. Stories on how he was a Lolo to all of us. He was one warm gentleman who would always smile at you when he'd see you. He'd give you candy when you did good in school. He'd comfort you when you're crying. Provide the things you need however and whenever he can. He'd challenge you to be better and he'd give you a wet sloppy but sweetest kiss on your special day.
I feel bad that I wasn't able to care for him as much as I could. I was supposed to be his angel in the sickroom, and I wasn't there. I used to visit him in his bedroom and watch him just lying there, staring blankly at the ceiling. He'd look at me and try to talk even if he couldn't. He would stare at me and I'd hope that he remembers me. I saw his health depreciate. From a once health man, he became ill and skinny.
Twas Christmas of 2010 when he could still sit and talk for a while. I helped him drink his meds and he'd even choke. His eyes were that of a kid, who was asking me not to make him drink the bitter liquid anymore. I wish I could have done it for him, take it all for him so he wouldn't have too much of a hard time. It hurts to know that you are a nurse but you can't nurse your own grandfather back to health. I serve and assist other old people but I wasn't there beside him for the past months when he needed the utmost care.
I'm sorry Lolo. I couldn't even bring you your own chiffon cake on your last birthday. I wasn't even able to hug you and kiss your cheek then... I couldn't kiss or hug you now. :( . Will you still hear me if I said I love you? I know you said that to me a hundred times and I couldn't remember if I said I love you back... Am i too late Lolo?
I don't want to reminisce how you were because you're gone, but I want to relive how you are because I know you'll always be there, in our minds, in our hearts, always a part of us, always a part of me.
Thank you Lo because I am a Bautista and I'll always be proud to be one. Thank you for teaching me your ways. It's hard to let go but I'm beginning to accept it now. You're in a happier place.
and thank you for that chiffon cake on my birthday...
I'll cherish that photo of us, with you holding my plastic yellow tea set...
You sleep easy, you can now finally rest.
Hug and kiss Lola Pauline for me, tell her I miss her though I never met her.
I love you.
Xoxo,
Angel.
It's the littlest things we seldom forget, but it's the ones that always leave a mark.
I have millions of stories about him. Stories on how he was a Lolo to all of us. He was one warm gentleman who would always smile at you when he'd see you. He'd give you candy when you did good in school. He'd comfort you when you're crying. Provide the things you need however and whenever he can. He'd challenge you to be better and he'd give you a wet sloppy but sweetest kiss on your special day.
I feel bad that I wasn't able to care for him as much as I could. I was supposed to be his angel in the sickroom, and I wasn't there. I used to visit him in his bedroom and watch him just lying there, staring blankly at the ceiling. He'd look at me and try to talk even if he couldn't. He would stare at me and I'd hope that he remembers me. I saw his health depreciate. From a once health man, he became ill and skinny.
Twas Christmas of 2010 when he could still sit and talk for a while. I helped him drink his meds and he'd even choke. His eyes were that of a kid, who was asking me not to make him drink the bitter liquid anymore. I wish I could have done it for him, take it all for him so he wouldn't have too much of a hard time. It hurts to know that you are a nurse but you can't nurse your own grandfather back to health. I serve and assist other old people but I wasn't there beside him for the past months when he needed the utmost care.
I'm sorry Lolo. I couldn't even bring you your own chiffon cake on your last birthday. I wasn't even able to hug you and kiss your cheek then... I couldn't kiss or hug you now. :( . Will you still hear me if I said I love you? I know you said that to me a hundred times and I couldn't remember if I said I love you back... Am i too late Lolo?
I don't want to reminisce how you were because you're gone, but I want to relive how you are because I know you'll always be there, in our minds, in our hearts, always a part of us, always a part of me.
Thank you Lo because I am a Bautista and I'll always be proud to be one. Thank you for teaching me your ways. It's hard to let go but I'm beginning to accept it now. You're in a happier place.
and thank you for that chiffon cake on my birthday...
I'll cherish that photo of us, with you holding my plastic yellow tea set...
You sleep easy, you can now finally rest.
Hug and kiss Lola Pauline for me, tell her I miss her though I never met her.
I love you.
Xoxo,
Angel.
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
her name is...
i really don't have a name for my baby yet... i waited patiently to have her.
i imagined how she'd look like, how it would feel when i'm finally holding her with my own hands.
it gives me both fright and uttermost anticipation.
so many questions, i would immediately ask myself. would i be responsible enough to care for her? am i capable to doing measures that would keep her safe and completely unscathed? would i understand her? know her limitations and her frailties?
and i am completely sure that she won't be that easy to handle.
there might be days i might totally won't get her, and in frustration, i might let go of her.
if she falls, but i do hope she would never, i wont surely know what to do!
i wish there's an easier manual to know everything, and understand everything about her.
but no manual can ever determine or establish my own relationship with her.
so what am i to do now.
i chose to have this responsibility and i admit, its not easy.
im going out of my wits.
but i am not going to quit until i finally master this damn camera!
seriously...? what else would it be?
;)
xoxo,
A.
i imagined how she'd look like, how it would feel when i'm finally holding her with my own hands.
it gives me both fright and uttermost anticipation.
so many questions, i would immediately ask myself. would i be responsible enough to care for her? am i capable to doing measures that would keep her safe and completely unscathed? would i understand her? know her limitations and her frailties?
and i am completely sure that she won't be that easy to handle.
there might be days i might totally won't get her, and in frustration, i might let go of her.
if she falls, but i do hope she would never, i wont surely know what to do!
i wish there's an easier manual to know everything, and understand everything about her.
but no manual can ever determine or establish my own relationship with her.
so what am i to do now.
i chose to have this responsibility and i admit, its not easy.
im going out of my wits.
but i am not going to quit until i finally master this damn camera!
seriously...? what else would it be?
;)
xoxo,
A.
Monday, January 9, 2012
im doomed
happy new year and yeah, i suck at writing now. what is this colossal damage I have inflicted on my brain? too much air? or like im going crazy? too crazy that i dont even know how to make literary shit anymore?
to the greater power, i need major saving down here! is this the result of not blogging anymore? i swear ill blog everyday. what am i saying. i sound like a desperate bimbo. oh no, do i really sound desperate?!!?!?
somebody save me from myself. slap or like throw a glass of water over my face! i am not over reacting. i am just reacting too much. sigh. does it even make a difference?
im no longer fabulous! i used to be good at this. now im really not.
is this a nervous breakdown via cyberspace?
what do you do when your creative juice took a vacation without even giving you a heads up about it?
its like going on AWOL!
im scared and shitless. now that's a deadly combination.
talk about being on the brink of deliverance.
one two three four...
somebody help. :D
to the greater power, i need major saving down here! is this the result of not blogging anymore? i swear ill blog everyday. what am i saying. i sound like a desperate bimbo. oh no, do i really sound desperate?!!?!?
somebody save me from myself. slap or like throw a glass of water over my face! i am not over reacting. i am just reacting too much. sigh. does it even make a difference?
im no longer fabulous! i used to be good at this. now im really not.
is this a nervous breakdown via cyberspace?
what do you do when your creative juice took a vacation without even giving you a heads up about it?
its like going on AWOL!
im scared and shitless. now that's a deadly combination.
talk about being on the brink of deliverance.
one two three four...
somebody help. :D
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