that chiffon cake...

Whenever I'd think of him, I would always remember a chiffon cake. A chiffon cake for my birthday, a chiffon cake he would bring on my cousin's birthday, a chiffon cake for a Christmas Reunion, honestly, a chiffon cake for any occasion. That's how thoughtful my grandfather is. He never forgets, even though we sometimes do.

It's the littlest things we seldom forget, but it's the ones that always leave a mark.
I have millions of stories about him. Stories on how he was a Lolo to all of us. He was one warm gentleman who would always smile at you when he'd see you. He'd give you candy when you did good in school. He'd comfort you when you're crying. Provide the things you need however and whenever he can. He'd challenge you to be better and he'd give you a wet sloppy but sweetest kiss on your special day.

I feel bad that I wasn't able to care for him as much as I could. I was supposed to be his angel in the sickroom, and I wasn't there. I used to visit him in his bedroom and watch him just lying there, staring blankly at the ceiling. He'd look at me and try to talk even if he couldn't. He would stare at me and I'd hope that he remembers me. I saw his health depreciate. From a once health man, he became ill and skinny.

Twas Christmas of 2010 when he could still sit and talk for a while. I helped him drink his meds and he'd even choke. His eyes were that of a kid, who was asking me not to make him drink the bitter liquid anymore. I wish I could have done it for him, take it all for him so he wouldn't have too much of a hard time. It hurts to know that you are a nurse but you can't nurse your own grandfather back to health. I serve and assist other old people but I wasn't there beside him for the past months when he needed the utmost care.

I'm sorry Lolo. I couldn't even bring you your own chiffon cake on your last birthday. I wasn't even able to hug you and kiss your cheek then... I couldn't kiss or hug you now. :( . Will you still hear me if I said I love you? I know you said that to me a hundred times and I couldn't remember if I said I love you back... Am i too late Lolo?

I don't want to reminisce how you were because you're gone, but I want to relive how you are because I know you'll always be there, in our minds, in our hearts, always a part of us, always a part of me.

Thank you Lo because I am a Bautista and I'll always be proud to be one. Thank you for teaching me your ways. It's hard to let go but I'm beginning to accept it now. You're in a happier place.


and thank you for that chiffon cake on my birthday...


I'll cherish that photo of us, with you holding my plastic yellow tea set...


You sleep easy, you can now finally rest.
Hug and kiss Lola Pauline for me, tell her I miss her though I never met her.



I love you.



Xoxo,


Angel.